Best Sarcastic Quotes and Sarcasm Sayings – Funny Sarcastic Relationship Quotes

Who does not like sarcasm? I just love to read and share funny, cool and humorous sarcastic quotes images on my social media accounts. I must say while you are working, you come across funny sarcastic quotes it will definitely make you laugh out loud. And, if you are feeling blue or having a bad day then reading some Inspirational and Motivational quotes will certainly pull you out of the darkness.

I am a sarcasm lover and that I decided to create this to provide Best and Funny Sarcastic Quotes Images to our readers that include short sarcastic quotes to make it easy to post them as status. Things get more interesting when we get to read funny sarcastic relationship quotes. Trust me, I personally search for epic relationship quotes to pinch and tease my lady.

Funny Sarcastic Quotes with Images

• If I had a dollar for every clever thing you said, I’d be broke.

• I’m not listening, but by all means, keep talking. I love how your voice makes my ears bleed.

• Some people need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.

• Never forget that you’re unique. Just like everybody else.

• I hate two-faced people. It’s so hard to decide which face to slap first.

• I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.

• Do you practice being this stupid, or are you just naturally gifted?

• I’m busy at the moment. But I’ll happily ignore you another time.

• Single Bell. Single Bell.. Single all the way..

• Sadness is… Waiting for a text from someone who’s not gonna text you.

• Call her beautiful, not hot. She is a woman, not a temperature. Love is soul, not his money he is human, not a Bank.

• The brain is the most outstanding organ it works 24 hours a day 365 days a year from birth you fall in love.

• Single? No, I am just in a relationship with Freedom

 

• Single & waiting is better than taken & faking.

• Dear Girls, If a guy pauses video game just to text you back Marry him!

• What is it called when your crush has a crush on you? “Imagination”

• Don’t ask me for relationship advice. I am single I only promote breakups.

• Two types of people who can’t sleep at night. 1 those who are in love. 2 who have a good internet connection.

• Dear Heart, Please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood that’s it.

• If there is no one to hold your hand. Put your hands in your pocket and continue your walk.

• Ladies! Stop wasting your time looking for Mr. Right just find Mr. left and drag that idiot to the right.

• People don’t fall in love anymore. They just find a temporary attachment who can entertain them.

• The brain is the most outstanding organ it works 24 hours a day 365 days a year from birth you fall in love.

• Dear Ex… I won’t block you or delete you. I’m keeping you there, so you’re able to see how happy I am without you.

• True love and loyal friends are two of the hardest things to find.

• Being ignored by someone is okay but still texting them is a sin.

• Before falling in love Remember. A girl’s mood can change in just like 0.0003 seconds

• I don’t need love, I need 5 million dollars.

• Psychology says, You are not afraid to love, you are afraid of not being loved back.

• 2 minutes of silence for those 13 – 17-year-old girls who think their boyfriends will marry them.

• 81% of boys have girlfriends rest 19% have brain.

• Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?

 

• Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.

• I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

• The whole purpose of sending a text is to get a reply within seconds or minutes, otherwise, I would have sent a letter by fucking mail.

• Tell me. Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?

• If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.

• History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives

• If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel

• Don’t mistake this fake smile and professional body language. I’d punch you in the throat if I knew I wouldn’t lose my job

• My girlfriend is always stealing my T-shirts and sweaters… But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly “We need to talk

• So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

• When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work

• Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often

• My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

• A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized

 

• Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes

• I always say ‘Morning’ Instead of ‘good morning’ Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people

• Do you know what I like about people? Their dogs.”

• God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately, not enough blood supply to run both at the same time

• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

• I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today

• Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty

• Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues

• If you find me offensive, Then I suggest you quit finding me

• I’m very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful

• Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I can’t even finish my second apple pie

• If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you

• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me

• Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway

• I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly

• Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society

• If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito

• Zombies eat brains. You’re safe

• Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever

• No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time

•  If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

• My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.

 

• If There’s One Thing I Can’t Stand, It’s Tripods With One Leg Missing.

• Babies Are So Lucky. They Can Sleep All Day and Everyone Still Would Be Proud of Them – Sarcastic Quotes

• Violence Won’t Solve Anything. But It Sure Makes Me Feel Good – Sarcastic Quotes

• Well My Imaginary Friend Thinks You Have Serious Mental Problems

• Everyone Seems Normal Until You Get to Know Them

• Not Sarcastic. Just Brutally Honest – Sarcastic Quotes

• If There’s Trouble Wherever You Go, Then Guess What?

• Even the Devil Stops Working Just to Admire My Work – Sarcastic Quotes

• Excuse Me, I Know This Is Hell, but May I Ask Which Floor?

• Don’t Take My Insults Seriously. I’m Just Being Sarcastic.

• People Are Prisoners of Their Phone… That’s Why It’s Called a “cell Phone – Sarcastic Quotes

• People Kept Saying ‘go Corona Go’ and It Went to Other Countries to Spread Across the Globe.

• The Only Mystery in Life Is Why the Kamikaze Pilots Wore Helmets – Sarcasm Quotes

• A Lot of People Are Afraid of Heights. Not Me, I’m Afraid of Widths – Sarcasm Quotes

• There’s No Better Vacation Than My Boss Being on Vacation – Sarcasm Quotes

• I’m Such a Good Lover Because I Practice a Lot on My Own – Sarcastic Quotes

• A Man in Love Is Incomplete Until He Has Married. Then He’s Finished

• If You’re Going to Tell People the Truth, Be Funny or They’ll Kill You – Sarcasm Quotes

• If a Book About Failures Doesn’t Sell, Is It a Success?

• Marriage Is Like Mushrooms: We Notice Too Late if They Are Good or Bad – Sarcastic Quotes

• I Didn’t Fail the Test. I Just Found 100 Ways to Do It Wrong – Sarcastic Quotes

• A Mind Is Like a Parachute. It Doesn’t Work if It Is Not Open.

• To Steal Ideas From One Person Is Plagiarism; to Steal From Many Is Research.

• The Road to Success Is Always Under Construction.

• Always Borrow Money From a Pessimist. He Won’t Expect It Back – Sarcastic Quotes

• If You Are the Smartest Person in the Room, Then You Are in the Wrong Room.

• Build Your Own Dreams, or Someone Else Will Hire You to Build Theirs.

• A Woman’s Mind Is Cleaner Than a Man’s Because She Changes It More Often.

• Never Put Off Till Tomorrow What You Can Do the Day After Tomorrow – Sarcastic Quotes

• Happiness Is Having a Large, Loving, Caring, Close-knit Family in Another City – Sarcasm Quotes

• Don’t Judge Me. I Was Born to Be Awesome, Not Perfect.

• Always Remember That You Are Absolutely Unique. Just Like Everyone Else.

• Me Pretending to Listen Should Be Enough for You – Sarcasm Quotes

• Oh… I Didn’t Tell You… Then It Must Be None of Your Business.

• Tact Is for People Who Aren’t Witty Enough to Use Sarcasm – Sarcastic Quotes

• You’re Not That Lucky and I’m Not That Desperate!

• I’m Smiling…that Alone Should Scare You.

• You sound better with your mouth closed.

• You Go Girl! And Don’t Come Back – Sarcasm Quotes

• I Thought I Had Seen the Pinnacle of Stupid… Then I Met You.

• If I Promise to Miss You, Will You Go Away?

• On the Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers – Sarcastic Quotes

• I may Look Calm But in my Mind I’ve Killed you Three Times

• I’m Not Always Rude and Sarcastic. Sometimes I’m Asleep -sarcastic quotes

• Posterity Is the Patriotic Name for Grandchildren.

• Sometimes, My Family Becomes the Strangest Family on Earth – Sarcasm Quotes

• I Had No Blood Relatives Til I Made Some

• In My Family, Crazy Doesn’t Skip a Generation – Sarcastic Quotes

• True Bonding Is When You and Your Friends Are All Angry About the Same Thing

• Fate Chooses Our Relatives, We Choose Our Friends

• No One Likes Change but Babies in Diapers – Sarcasm Quotes

• The Whiskey Tastes Like I’m About to Tell You How I Really Feel – Quotes of Sarcasm

• I Became Insane With Long Periods Intervals of Horrible Sanity – Quotes of Sarcasm

• I Was Married by a Judge. I Should Have Asked for a Jury – Sarcastic Quotes

• We Always Hold Hands. If I Let Go, She Shops.

• I Think I Finally Found my Spirit Plant

• You Couldn’t Handle Me Even if I Came With Instructions – sarcastic Quotes

• You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Only Talk to Me – Sarcasm Quotes

• I just Rolled my Eyes So Hard I Saw my Brain

• You’re Just Like Math I Hate Math

• If You Don’t Believe in Ghosts, You’ve Never Been to a Family Reunion – Sarcastic Quotes

• Unless Your Name Is Google Stop Acting Like You Know Everything.

• Not my Circus not my Monkeys But I Definitely know the Clowns

• Being Part of a Family Means Smiling for Photos.

• Well, at Least Your Mom Thinks You’re Pretty…

• People Say Nothing Is Impossible, But I Do Nothing Every Day.

• If You Must Make a Noise, Make It Quietly – sarcasm quotes

• I Send Pointless Emails Late at Night to Impress Coworkers.

• Sometimes I Look at People and think Really Thats the Sperm that Won

• Sarcasm Is the Secret Language That Everyone Uses When They Want to Say Something Mean to Your Face.

• From the Bottom of my Heart – I Don’t Give A Fuck

• Please Submit Your Ideas to Me Today So I Can Submit Them as My Own Tomorrow – sarcasm quotes

• Having Children Makes You No More a Parent Than Having a Piano Makes You a Pianist – Sarcasm Quotes

 

 

• Repeating Quotes From Funny Movies Doesn’t Make You Funny

• Knowing Your Family So Well That You Can Make Out Who’s Coming by the Sound of Their Footsteps

• If You Want to Call a Family Meeting – Turn Off the Wifi and Sit in the Room Where It Is Located.

• My Family Is Temperamental, Half Temper Half Mental – Sarcasm Quotes

• Some People Just Need a High-five. In the Face. With a Chair – Sarcasm Quotes

• Insanity Is Hereditary; You Get It From Your Children – Sarcasm Quotes

• I’m not always rude and sarcastic sometimes I’m asleep

• I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat.

• Look at you, you’re in perfect shape. For a circle.

• If I had to pay you a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d save a lot of money.

• Look at you, you’re in perfect shape. For a circle.

• You always do me a favor, when you shut up!

• Sarcasm is my love language

• Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.

• You are about as useful as a white crayon.

• Queen’s Don’t Complete with Hoes.

• You Inspire my Inner Serial Killer.

• When Social Distance is Over, Let’s Not Tell Some People.

• Aliens Probably Ride Past Earth And Lock Their Doors….

• Remember If You Can’t Say Something Nice… Make it Funny

• I Just Rolled My Eyes So Hard I Saw My Brain

• The Day My Mother Told Me Zombies Eat Brains, I Knew I Was Living With One – Sarcasm Quotes

• It’s an Easy Tool This World- Just Pretend Like You Know Everything.

• The Stuff You Heard About Me Is A Lie, I’m Way Worse

• Grammar. The Difference Between Knowing Your Shit And Knowing You’re Shit.

• One of the Things That Bind Us as a Family Is a Shared Sense of Humor.

• An Apple A Day Keeps Anyone Away If You Through It Hard Enough

• Cancel My Subscription! Your Issues Are Not Worth My Time And Effort.

• I Clapped Because It’s Finished, Not Because I Like It

 

• Being Hated & Ignored Makes My Life A Whole Lot easier to manage.

• “I am Not Young Enough to Know Everything.”

• “Mirrors Can’t Talk, lucky For You They Can’t Laugh Either.”

• “If Anything Can Go Wrong, it Will.”

• ”Mirrors Can’t Talk Lucky For You They Can’t laugh Either”.

• Actually, The Entire Universe Does Revolve Around Me!

• Boy: Do You Have Any Sense?   Girl: Ya, Do You Want Same?

• If You’re Too Open-Minded Your Brains Will Fall Out.

• Silence is Golden, Duct Tape is Silver.

• ”Mirrors Can’t Talk, Lucky For You They Can’t laugh Either”

• “I am Not Young Enough To Know Everything”

• I Never Forget A Face. But in Your Case, I’ll be Glad To Make An Expectation.

• Marriage has No Guarantees. If That’s What You’re Looking For, Go Live With A Car Battery.

• Please Don’t Interrupt Me When I’m Ignoring You.

• If You Listen Closely You Care Hear Me Not Caring.

• I Correct Autocorrect More than Autocorrect Corrects Me.

• You’re just like math. I hate math

• I have multiple personalities and none of them I like you

• You Look Like A Before Picture

• You are living proof that God has a sense of humor

• Sometimes when I close my eyes…I can’t see

• People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician

• I’m sorry did I roll my eyes out loud?

• I know I’m a handful but that’s why you got two hands’

• If ever say ”Do you want me to be the honest” Say no.

• Guys with an eye patch and three fingers sell the best fireworks

• Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion? – Top Snarky Quotes

• You can’t photoshop your ugly personality

• SHHH no one cares

• Dear phone, If you don’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, You wouldn’t have died so quickly

• A woman’s apology, I’m sorry but it was your fault – Top Funny Quotes

• Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally it replies

• Money talks mine always says ”Goodbye”

• Life us to short be serious all the time. So if you can’t laugh at yourself call me.. I,ll laugh at you

 

• I need to special distance from the kitchen. I tested positive for fat ass

• Zombies eat brains. Don’t worry, You’re safe – Positive Funny Quotes

• If only closed minds came with closed mouths

• There are two types of people in the world

1. 1. 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm
      2. Idiots

• Your Sound Better With Your Mouth

• Remember When I Asked For Your Opinion – Funny Sarcastic Quotes

• My Alone Time is Sometimes For You Safety

• It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right

• My Level of Sarcasm Has Gotten to the Point to Where I Don’t Even Know if I’m Kidding or Not

• Me: Goodnight.  Brain: Pssst  Me: What?  Brain: What Disease Do You Think We Have? – Best Funny Quotes

• Once Upon a Time, I Was Sweet and Innocent. And Then Shit Happened

• I Wish People Come With a 30 Second Tailor. So I Can See What I’m Getting Myself Into

• It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste

• My Doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said: ”No, we all seem to enjoy it” – Sarcastic Funny Quotes on Life

• People need to start appreciating the effort I put in to not be a serial killer

• Why was the cook arrested? He was began an egg

• Be careful what you tell people A Friend Today could be an Enemy tomorrow

• Don’t Underestimate My Ability to find shit out – Snarky Quotes

• Only two things change in your life. Your age and you outlook

• You Reminded Me of a Penny. Two-Faced, and no worth much

• You were my cup of tea, But i drink champagne now

• I Need to teach my facial expressions. How to use inside their voice – Funny Relationship Quotes

• Mirrors Don’t lie And Lucky For You They Don’t Laugh

• My Boss Told Me to Have a Good Day So I Went to Home

• I love sarcasm it’s like punching in the face but with word

• After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF

• Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it – Funny Sarcastic Quotes

• I’m actually not funny, I’m just mean and people think I’m joking

• Sometimes it’s not the people who change, it’s the mask that falls off.

• What’s a queen without her king? Well historically speaking, more powerful

• ‘They say good things take time ….That’s why I’m always late

• I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions – Top Sarcasm Quotes

• Just burned 2000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart

• Always Remember That You’re Unique. Just Like Everyone Else – Sarcasm Quotes

• Sometimes I Need What Only You Can Provide: Your Absence – Sarcasm Quotes

• They Say Marriages Are Made in Heaven. But So Is Thunder and Lightning

• Please cancel my subscription to your issues

• I’m 99% angle, but ohhhh,that 1%

• It’s ok if you don’t like me. Not everyone has perfect taste. Funny Quotes for Daily life

• I like sleeping because it’s like being dead without the commitment

• Not a single one of my multiple personalities like you

• If Someone Asks “Are You Crazy?” Simply Reply “Yes.” Boom. End of Discussion.

• My Doctor asked if Anyone in my Family Suffers Form Mental Illness. I Said: “No, We All Seen to Enjoy it.

• Feed Your Own EGO I’M BUSY – Cool Funny Quotes

• I am Not Lazy I am on Energy Saving Mode

• My Luck is Like a Bald Guy Who Just Won a Comb

• “ARE YOU FREE TOMORROW” NO, I’M EXPENSIVE”

• “I’m not a hot mess I’m a spicy disaster”

• Please Cancel my Subscription to Your Issues – Top Funny Quotes

• Life Is Full Of Disappointments And I Just Added You To The

  

• Everything you’ve Ever Wanted is on the Other Side of Fear

• I wish Everything was as Getting Fat

• Trust me you Can Dance Vodka

• Some People Just Need High Five – Sarcastic Funny Quotes on Life

• Never Take Advice from me You will End up Drunk

• I Hope One Day you Choke on the Shit you Talk

• Hey i found your Nose it was in my Business

• I would Slap you But Shit Slaptters

• TOUGH TIMES DON’T LAST, TOUGH PEOPLE DO – Snarky Quotes

• Don’t Study me, you won’t Graduate

• Here is a Tissue you have a Little Lip Bullshit on your Lip

• The Trash Gets Picked up tomorrow be Ready

• Shhh no One Cares

• Bitch Please your Birth Certificate is an Apology Letter from the Condom Factory – Funniest Quotes Qver

• IF YOUR PHONE DOESN’T ITS ME

• IM NOT INSULTING YOU I AM DESCRIBING YOU

• MARRIAGE WHEN DATING GOES TOO FAR

• IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE FUCK THIS

• MY ALONE TIME IS SO SOMETIMES FOR YOUR SAFETY – Positive Funny Quotes

• MY BOSS TOLD ME TO HAVE A GOOD DAY – Funny Sarcastic Quotes

• I’M IN A GOOD PLACE RIGHT NOW NOT EMOTIONALY I AM

• A POEM ABOUT ME I HATE MORNING

• ARE YOU ALWAYS SO STUPID IS TODAY A SPECIAL OCCASION

• EXERCISE MAKE YOU LOOK BETTER NAKED SO DOES TAQUILA IS YOUR CHOICE

• Reason Why I’m So Unpopular: I Have Everyone – Funny Relationship Quotes

• ONE DRINK AWAY FROM TELLING EVERYONE WHAT I REALLY THINK

• OF COURSE I TALK TO MY SELF SOMETIMES I NEED EXPERT ADVICE

• THIS WEATHER CONFUSES MY NIPPLES

• HOW TO BE A GROWNUP AT WORK – Sarcasm Quotes

• Oh, my Bad. I’m Sorry for Bothering you.

• Oh, you’re Dating my ex Cool, I’m Eating a Sandwich… want those Leftovers too

• I Remixed a Remix, It Was Back to Normal – Sarcastic Quotes

• Never Let an Angry Sister Comb Your Hair.

• I Know Family Comes First, but Shouldn’t That Mean After Breakfast?

• OH DARLING GO BUY A PERSONALITY

• THE LAST TIME I SAW SOMETIMES LIKE YOU I FLUSHED IT – Sarcastic Quotes for Facebook

• I Clapped Because It’s Finished, Not Because I Like It
  

• YOU REMIND ME OF PENNY TWO FACE AND NOT WORTH MUCH

• My Family want me to get Married Asap But won’t let me go to the corner of the shop myself after 9

• Take me Back to the night we met, I’ll Leave you there.

• If you Treat me Like Option, I’ll Leave you like Choice – Best  Sarcastic Quotes for Instagram

• I CRIED WHEN YOU LEFT ME BUT I LAUGHED WHEN I SAW WHAT YOU LEFT ME FOR

• I don’t Believe in Plastic Surgery. But in your case, go ahead.

• If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

• Are you Always so Stupid or is today a Special Occasion – Best Funny Quotes

• It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not Everyone has Good Taste.

• My family want me to Get Married Asap but Won’t let me go to the Corner Shop myself After ‘9’

• Take me Back to the night we met, I’ll Leave you there.

• I CRIED WHEN YOU LEFT ME, – Funny Sarcastic Quotes

• Oh, my Bad. I’m sorry for bothering you. I Forgot I only exist when you need me for Something

• Oh, you’re dating my ex Cool, I’m eating a Sandwich… want those Leftovers too

• PEOPLE TALK ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK AND

• Sorry Honey. Sarcasm Falls out of my Mouth, just like Stupid Falls from yours. – Best Sarcastic Quotes

• You Turned the Page. I Burned the Book.

• I Am Not Responsible for What My Face Does When You Talk.

• Of Course I Talk Like an Idiot, How Else Would You Understand Me?

• Everyone Has the Right to Be Stupid, but You’re Abusing the Privilege.

• Two Things: 1. Where Have You Been All My Life? 2. Can You Please Go Back There?

• List of Things I’m Currently Handling Well: 1 & 2

• If You Need Anything From Me, Reconsider

• Do You Ever fell the Urge to Tell Someone to Shut Up Even When They Aren’t Talking?

• If You Ran Like Your Mouth, You’d Be in Good Shape.

• Life Is Short. Smile While You Still Have Teeth

• Nobody Is Perfect I Am No Body I Am Perfect

• Sleeping Is My Drug, My Bed Is My Dealer and My Alarm Clock Is the Police

• Two Things: 1. Where Have You Been All My Life? 2. Can You Please Go Back There?

• I Can Only Please on Person Per Day. Tomorrow Doesn’t Look Good Either

• I Burned Bridges Because I Can Swim don’t Ever Think I Need You

• I Do Not Burn Bridges. I Just Loosen the Bolts a Little Bit Each Day

• Common Sense Is So Rare These Days That It Should Be Consider a Superpower

• I Would Like to Apologize to Anyone I Have Not Yet Offended. Please Be Patient. I Will Get to You Shortly

• Never Do the Same Mistake Twice. Unless He’s Hot.

• Classy Women Don’t Have One Night Stands, We Have Auditions. you Didn’t Get a Call Back!

• No Matter How Bad It Gets, I’m Always Rich at the Dollar Store.

• In Order to Insult Me, I Must First Value Your Opinion. Nice Try Though.

• New Year’s Resolution: Casual Promises That I Am Under No Legal Obligation to Fulfill

• An Apple a Day Keeps Anything Away if You Throw It Hard Enough. Sorry for the Mean, Awful, and Accurate Things I Said – Sarcastic Quotes

 

 

• I’m Sorry I Hurt Your Feelings When I Called You Stupid. I Really Thought You Already Knew.

• I Don’t Exactly Hate You but if You Were on Fire and I Had Water, I’d Drink It.

• I Don’t Hate You I am Just Simply Not Excited About Your Existence.

• My Silence Doesn’t Mean I Agree With You It Means Your Level of Stupidity Rendered Me Speechless.

• Shit Happens. I Mean, Look at Your Face.

• Sarcasm Is an Art. If It Was a science I’d Have My PHD.

• I’m Sick of Following My Dreams, Man. I’m Just Going to Ask Where They’re Going and Hook Up With ’em Later

• Before You Criticize Someone, You Should Walk a Mile in Their Shoes. That Way When You Criticize Them, You Are a Mile Away From Them and You Have Their Shoes

• Before You Marry a Person, You Should First Make Them Use a Computer With Slow Internet to See Who They Really Are.

• Never Follow Anyone Else’s Path. Unless You’re in the Woods and You’re Lost and You See a Path. Then by All Means Follow That Path

• I’m Not Superstitious, but I Am a Little Stitious.

• Sarcasm Is the Body’s Natural Defense Against Stupidity.

• Light Travels Faster Than Sound. This Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until They Speak.

• Find Your Patience Before I Lose Mine.

• I Am Busy Right Now, Can I Ignore You Some Other Time?

• I Walk Around Like Everything’s Fine, but Deep Down, Inside My Shoe, My Sock Is Sliding Off.

• People Say That Laughter Is the Best Medicine… Your Face Must Be Curing the World.

• Sarcasm–the Ability to Insult Idiots Without Them Realizing It.

• If You Think Nobody Cares if You’re Alive, Try Missing a Couple of Car Payments.

• My Imaginary Friend Says That You Need a Therapist.

• Why Do They Call It Rush Hour When Nothing Moves?

• My Neighbor’s Diary Says That I Have Boundary Issues.

• Sometimes I Wish I Was a Nicer Person, but Then I Laugh and Continue My Day.

• I’ve Birthed an Entire Baby in Less Time Than It Takes My Husband to Poop.

• Marriage. Because Your Crappy Day Doesn’t Have to End at Work.

• Sometimes I Wish I Was an Octopus So I Could Slap Eight People at Once.

• Sometimes I Meet People and Feel Bad for Their Dog.

• Shut Your Mouth When You’re Talking to Me.

• Sorry for Being Late. I Got Caught Up Enjoying My Last Few Minutes of Not Being Here.

• I Don’t Go Crazy. I Am Crazy. I Go Normal From Time to Time.

• If at First, You Don’t Succeed, Skydiving Is Not for You.

• Never Mistake My Silence for Weakness. Nobody Plans a Murder Out Loud

• My Neighbors Listen to Good Music Whether They Like It or Not.

• Lead Me Not Into Temptation. I Know the Way

• Tact Is for People Who Aren’t Witty Enough to Use Sarcasm.

• Just Burned 2,000 Calories. That’s the Last Time I Leave Brownies in the Oven While I Nap.

• How Much Better Would It Be if a Liar’s Pants Really Did Catch on Fire?

• What Doesn’t Kill You Gives You a Set of Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms and a Dark Sense of Humor.

• Fun Fact: Alcohol Increases the Size of the ‘send’ Button by 89%.

• I Don’t Have a Welcome Mat at My Door Because I’m Not a Liar

• I’d Agree With You But Then We’d Both Be Wrong.

• I’m Not Crazy! The Voices Tell Me I Am Entirely Sane.

• Sorry… to Have Met You.

• If They Act Like They Can Live Without You… Help Them Do It.

• If Ignorance Is Bliss, You Must Be the Happiest Person on This Planet.

• When a Man Steals Your Wife There Is No Better Revenge Than to Let Him Keep Her.

• Ninety-nine percent of Lawyers Give the Rest a Bad Name.

• I Am in Full Possession of the Amazing Power of Being Sarcastic.

• Everybody Knows How to Raise Children, Except the People Who Have Them.

• Marriage Is the Chief Cause of Divorce.

• I Always Carry a Knife in My Purse. You Know, in Case of a Cheesecake or Something – Sarcasm Quotes

• Marriage Is a Bliss for People Who Aren’t in It – Sarcasm Quotes

• Underestimate Me. That Will Be Fun.

• Just Keep Talking, I Yawn When I’m Interested.

• I Come From a Family Where Gravy Is Considered a Beverage.

• Life Is Hard; It’s Harder if You’re Stupid.

• There Are Times Here My Greatest Achievement Is Keeping My Mouth Shut.

• The Bigger Your Family, the Bigger Your Problems.

• I Realized My Family Was Funny Because Nobody Ever Wanted to Leave Our House – Sarcasm Quotes

• We Are All Born Crazy. Some of Us Remain That Way

• All the Men in My Family Were Bearded, and Most of the Women.