In a relationship where there is no more love and affection towards each other has some extreme difficulties to encounter. And the only best way to break free from such an unfortunate relationship is by getting a divorce. But what happens when your husband refuses to divorce you? Before the divorce would even take place, a lot of things must have been on your mind, and the first one is how to tell your husband you want a divorce when he doesn’t. If you are still contemplating on how to let him know that relationship isn’t working out, and you will need to file for a divorce. Then follow these few steps below, and you will feel much at ease.
How to Tell your Husband You Want to Get a Divorce
First and foremost, as a wife, you do not need your husband’s permission to divorce him. However, you need to be more careful with the decisions and choices you make during the first phase because they would set a tone on how your divorce process is going to be as well as the future relationship of you both as co-parents. It also depends on how difficult you make the situation on you, your children and your husband. However, the first thing you need to do before you decide on how you will tell your husband you want a divorce is to think about it critically and be honest with yourself. Let’s have a look at a few tips provided by this source:
- Take your time and think about the divorce, if it is the right thing to do – divorcing your husband after years of marriage is a big decision to make, you need to take your time and think about it if this would be the right solution to end the relationship. You will also have to think about the children’s well-being, making sure that the situation wouldn’t affect them negatively.
- Once you have decided to divorce him, be prepared for the outcome – After making the big decision to let go of the relationship, you need to start preparing for how your husband would react to the conversation. It is like practicing for a football game. You will have to understand ahead of time where your husband would emotionally act towards you when you bring the matter up. By doing so, you should be able to know how to approach the topic of divorce.
- Think about what you will say to him – Having how he would react in mind, think of the words to say and how you would begin the conversation. Then express yourself to him explaining how you don’t see any good in the marriage and things would never be the same. Tell him how you have been feeling about the relationship and that you want a divorce. Make it clear to him and wait for his response. He will likely ask you questions but stay general.
- Make sure to set aside an uninterrupted time that would be suitable for the conversation – Tell your husband that you need to talk with him and set up a time and private place to meet. Go somewhere where you both won’t be interrupted and spend some time talking with him. Keep your cell phones on airplane mode or turn it off so you both wouldn’t get distracted while the conversation is going on.
- Try to keep the conversation civilized – As the talking is going, things would get more awkward and heated. But try to remain civil even if you are the only doing so. He may start misbehaving towards you and say things to make you feel bad. Stay calm and talk to him gently, do not behave the same way and react with harsh feelings. When you control yourself from fighting back or quarreling with him, he may keep saying more things to get you angered by his words but do not fall for his trap.
- Don’t start blaming him for the problems or issues in the marriage – During the conversation, and some weeks afterward, don’t put all the blame on him. Don’t make him feel like he’s the main reason why you want to get a divorce. Also, take the fault for the broken relationship and make it a thing that was done by both people. What matters is the presence, and future, you both should try to let go of the past.
- Requesting for a divorce would require more and more time of discussion – Getting a divorce would need you both to agree to this decision. It wouldn’t be a one-time discussion. Eventually, more feelings would come up, and this requires more time to discuss the matter. During the first discussion, tell him that you want a divorce, nothing more, nothing less. If he starts bringing up details, tell him you want some time and set a future date to discuss the terms and conditions of the divorce. Like child support, financial issues and so forth.
These are just the initial steps to follow that could help convince your husband why getting a divorce is the right to do for the relationship. However, if your husband refuses to divorce you or he is still reluctant, then you can rely on the following tips below (provided by this website)
I Want to Divorce My Husband, But He Doesn’t. What now?
The Reluctant Spouse
If you want a divorce when he doesn’t, then do not panic. You have every right to file for a divorce with the court and serve your husband with the divorce papers. However, do not think because your husband doesn’t want to participate in the divorce, you will have the chance to do whatever you want in the case. In your mind, you might think you would benefit a lot since he wouldn’t be in court to object the issue. But that is not true. The court will make sure both you and your husband equally exercise his or her rights to fair hearing in the case.
Even if your spouse doesn’t show up in court to answer to the divorce papers served by you, the judges have the power to make sure that both parties will receive a reasonable, fair divorce judgment. So, while your husband is away from the whole issue, you might be able to modify your divorce in a way that would favor you without your husband gaining nothing. But do not think that the court would allow that to happen because everything must be fair before the law.
If your spouse wouldn’t collaborate to end the marriage, then you will have to litigate your divorce in court. Litigating your divorce would also involve getting a lawyer and this only works when you have no money, no property, and no kids. Once you have a lawyer to assist in the case, you can file for the divorce and serve your husband with the papers. If your husband refuses to appear in court, your lawyer will have to default him for failing to appear. Your lawyer will probably have to be in court a few more times while the judge gives your husband every possible chance to participate in the divorce case. If he still fails to respond to the court’s order, the judge will eventually grant you a divorce by default. However, everything takes time, money and effort.
Husband Begging me Not to Divorce Him, What Should I do?
First of all, it is up to you to decide if you want to continue with the relationship or go ahead and get a divorce to end this unhappy marriage. If you feel like things would never work out between the both of you or your husband wouldn’t change to establish a new and more healthy relationship with you, then you can divorce him without wasting much time. Maybe have a conversation with him and here all that he has to say. But be careful of the promises he may make. Sometimes, these promises are just gimmicks to make you stay and forget about the divorce. You can also seek professional help from a therapist if you can’t handle the situation on your own.